My kiddos will never see this but I want to brag on my kids.
I am so proud of Ellie. She is 2 and a half and very much 2 and a half sometimes. But she is in the midst of potty training and is doing amazing. I love my little girl so much.
And my boy, Wyatt. He is such a happy baby and even though he has this ureter issue going on you would never know by looking at him. He is always smiling.
I love Ellie and Wyatt so much.
I looked up short round and it says it means "firecracker". That's what my little E is. I love her more than anything and just getting back from vacation yesterday it causes me to pause, and think. I really enjoyed spending time with her. Some moments seemed to be very difficult but as I said to my mom and dad in a moment of clarity, " it may be tough and it may not be the way I envisioned but Ellie is not at daycare and I am not at work and I get to spend so much time with her this week and that's what matters". Side note, my parents, who are amazing people and even better parents and grandparents, came with us for the 2nd year in a row and we could neither have done it ourselves nor would it have been even close to as special.
I have wrestled mentally with the thought that my life has been a failure at times. Mostly professionally because I just can't seem to find the company or climate that's will make me feel like I am doing something and am successful. At times I equate that to thinking I am unworthy and a piece of crap. But the thing is, I had a thought today. I remembered a quote that I had heard saying the 2 greatest days and a person's life are the day they're born and the day they find out why. In my life, I will not think of myself as a failure because I am the daddy of a beautiful baby girl that though I did not much of the creating, I was part of it and I love her more than anything at all. She is why I'm here and if that turns out to be the only reason I am here, that's enough.
Today is a day that I have feared for a very long time. My grandpa fruit passed away in his sleep last night. My grandma found him this morning. I'm heartbroken. He was an instrumental figure in my life. My whole life. I love him. We had a similar way at looking at things sometimes. Growing up we didn't like shopping but we were there in Ft Wayne at Target, shopping with the family. He and I would get popcorn and go out to the van and listen to dammit ray. Or ray stevens.
I feel horrible. Most of everyone says that's great he went in his sleep on his terms. He wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I would have liked to say goodbye. I got to busy or wrapped up or whatever and didn't call him on his birthday this year. Everyone is telling me not to worry about it and that isn'twhat he would remember about me but that's what I remember. I messed up and i can't wish him happy birthday ever again.
I love you grandpa and I already miss you so much. I can't believe I won't be able to talk to you again.
Ellie's wake up process from time to time reminds me of a prison movie where the inmates are knocking their metal cups against the bars. She does that, but with her pacifier.
